Revelations and Decisions

I first became aware of it during the physical act of love.  A profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed.  Luckily, I was able to interpret these feelings correctly.  Loss of essence.  I can assure you it has not recurred.  Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence.  I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence.  I remember the first time I realized this.  I was leaning over her, sweating and grunting like an animal.  That disquieting sense of something amiss had perplexed me since my early teenage years, and when the revelation finally hit, my whole world was turned upside down.  I gasped involuntarily, and all the muscles in my body seized and locked.  Throwing my head back, I gazed upward to the heavens that had graced me with the knowledge that would change my days on this earth forever.  When I had regained control of myself, I leaned closer over her, closer and closer, reading the true meaning of the blissful and contented look on her face, the meaning behind it all.  As my essence began to drain away for the last time, I stared straight into her eyes and began to scream. 

            I had always been considered a “catch”.  The world considered me handsome, smart, successful.  Polite.  Gentlemanly.  A real “catch”.  Women were always part of my life, but never for long periods of time.  As they grew closer and spent more time with me, I grew more ill at ease.  Their demands of my time and energy, the dates, the dinners, the weekend excursions, the sheer amount of time and energy taxed me.  Exhausted me.  The longer this went on, the more uncomfortable I felt, and the women eventually drifted away, puzzled and hurt.  I always thought something was wrong with me.  But now I know.  I have seen past the deception.  My life essence was being drained away , and this was the source of my weakness.  An instinct of self preservation led me to break away from each woman, and the puzzlement and hurt were all part of their game to try and obtain more of my essence.  I always regained my strength when I was alone again.  That knowledge, combined with the initial instinct that saved my life, has become the rock that anchors my life today.  No woman can steal my essence now.  It is safely hidden away, sealed in a jar and buried with the first one who helped to bless me with the purpose I have today.  She is bound from head to toe, forever incapable of taking part in their insidious design.  There are so many like her, tied up and hidden away, but I will always remember her very clearly.  I summon her in my memory frequently, and thank her profusely.  For now I turn their own game against them.  Women are drawn to my power, and I inexorably snare them in their own tangle of deception.  I am forever safe from temptation.