Correspondence with S. Claus, November, 2004 (archived in basement subsection 11D, filing cabinet 141-alpha)

Dear Santa,

How are you?  I hope your year has gone well.  Lots of people here keep saying that your house is gonna melt soon cause of the global warming, but I don’t believe that.  I think you and I both know that you’ve got a little more magic than that.  People like complaining, though.  Specially at me. 

I spose that’s kinda why I’m writing to you now.  I know it’s a little earlier than I usually send my letter, but with everything that’s happened lately, I wanted to get my thoughts down before some other “crisis” pushes em out.  That’s the word everyone uses all the time – “crisis.”  Seems like everything round here is a crisis nowadays.  It’s just not fair, ya know?  I hardly had any fun before everything was doom and gloom.  Now every time I turn around someone else is yelling at me, or makin fun of me, or trying to get me kicked out.  I don’t like being a complainer – and you know that – but gosh it’s hard.   Sometimes I just wish my dad were still here to take care of all this stuff.  I haven’t even played some of the video games you brought me last year, cause I just ain’t had the time!  Can you believe that, Santa?  If you’d told me a year ago that I wouldn’t have time for video games, I woulda said you were crazy, but now it’s true.  Oh well.

I know you’re busy too, so I won’t waste your time.  What I really want for Christmas this year is for all the people in Iraq to stop fighting with us and give up.  I think just about everybody would be happier if that happened.  And if you could do that in Afghanistan too, that’d be swell.  Just get em to all give up and let us win, the sooner the better.  Then maybe everyone will stop complaining so dang much, and we can go back to having fun and playing video games.

Also, if it’s not too much trouble, I’d really like one of the supersoakers with the backpack, the one that lets you carry around like two gallons of water and sprays like a fire hose.  Those are pretty cool.  But the Iraq and Afghanistan thing is first on my list.

Thanks for listening, Santa.  I hope you have a great trip this year, and please say Happy Birthday to Jesus for me when you see him.

Love,

George W.