Stinking Fish

One Five Eight

The five of them, Barney, Jack, Bruce, Ray and Ed, stood outside Beautiful Swimmers, stuffed to the gills with the all you can eat buffet of rockfish, clams, oysters, crabs, scallops, flounder, muscles, and beer, in immobilized agony. And now the heat of the summer, city night, assaulted them. In no time their golf shirts began to get soaked like they’d played a nine. And so their heated discussion began.

“Barney, how about bringing the caddy around so we don’t have to walk?”

Before the intended recipient of the question could answer Jack’s request, Bruce chimed in, “Yea Barney, go fetch your boat.”

“Why don’t you fetch it yourself?” Barney tossed the keys toward Bruce, who tried to dodge the projectile but in the process deflected it at the feet of Ray, who looked down at the keys. “Not me.”

Before being called upon, Ed said, ” Ten bucks.”

A five and five ones settled to the ground.

One Five One

Ed got out of the old, restored, revered, white 75 Cadillac, leaving the engine running and stepped into the backseat through the pulled forward driver’s side seat. “I’m not driving.”

“Ya bet your ass ya ain’t,” said Barney, who stepped forward to take the helm.

“All I want to do is lay down somewhere.” Jack said, as he led the other two around to the passenger side. While he took the lead, he was the last in the car, after showing Bruce and Ray the backseat.

No sooner had the doors closed then backseat Bruce commanded, “Crank up the AC. I don’t need anymore suffering.”

Jack the co-pilot reached for the fan control and almost simultaneously, Barney said; “All it’s going to do is blow hot air until we get up to speed.” With fingertip control, he opened all four windows several inches. Jack still turned the fan on top end.

One Five Six

“What the hell are you doing?” Jack said looking over at Barney, who was turning off the road home.

“I gotta take a leak.”

Nobody joined Barney as he walked towards the McDonalds. The rest of them slouched down in silence.

When Barney returned, the inside of the car barely stirred. “I picked up a little something.” He opened a bag and unwrapped what was inside. Then there was immediate and sustained stirring.

“Oh god,” came from Ed in short order.

“Are you kidding me?” Bruce growled.

All Ray could say was, “I’m going to get sick.”

Jack looked at Barney with a smart look, “Aren’t you the funny one.”

Gagging sounds, and Barney’s laughter started up in opposition. No door or window could be opened and Barney laughed louder as the complaints and moans blended into a nauseating chorus. The piping hot filet of fish sandwich continued discharging it vapors, polluting and permeating the car.